blogging is hard for me

I'm not a great writer...but really, I'm OK with it. And I am not a "current blogger" posting regularly and in a timely fashion. But neither of those are the real reasons for this blog allowing cobwebs to form and the lack of communication on here. I LOVE to communicate and stay connected to family & friends - far and wide. But right now, I am at a loss for what to write - being such a perfectionist, and not knowing what approach to take: light & fluffy, with some humor thrown in? Solemn & reflective? Mocking & sarcastic with a hint of depth? Add in some emotional family events, cultural stress, and a lot of unknowns....it just makes it hard for this momma to figure out what to say. I want to make sure I communicate things clearly, and share my heart too.

The only accurate thing that I can share right now is that our lives are in His hands. We can't control the circumstances, but He is trustworthy. I want to be honest on here, and share the moments when we are content AND the flip side when life feels out of control. Being so far from family also takes its tolls. In any given day, I both love+hate life in this Central Asian metropolis. It's true. :)

I love that life is simple out here. I love cooking from scratch, and being reminded that I don't need more things to make me happy. I love the big, fresh markets and getting out for my daily needs. I love interacting with my neighbors, and feeling part of this Asian community. I love seeing the older generations socialize, exercise, and be involved in raising their grandchild. I love that my kids are getting a different world-view, and growing up in a foreign culture. I love the parks (in summer) and finding a patch of grass in the middle of some concrete. ....but even that was a little sarcastic, hinting at my underlying frustration.

I am tired of language learning. Even after 6 years, I am not fluent or completely comfortable in this culture. I am tired of side-stepping around gross loogies spit onto the street, or to be breathing in smoke fumes in the taxi. Stinky tofu smells wafting into my nostrils make me want to vomit. I am tired of crusty, stiff, stretched-out clothes, hung on my indoor rack. I feel so lonely for deep conversations, a bosom friend, or the freedom of driving a car. And that is barely scratching the surface. It may not help that winter has officially come, and we are headed into 4-5 months of freezing cold weather that brings on a dreary feeling that zaps my joy.

Its really hard to keep the right perspective when people do things that defy my own reason, or break my hygiene comfort-ability. I have a certain patience threshold, and most days I feel like I live right at the tipping point. Maybe this threshold applies to my joy, my ability to have grace, and my ability to love....and is a good indicator that I need to rely more on the One who gives me a higher threshold. He is the ultimate patient One, grace-giver, joy-filler-upper, love-abounder. :) And this is the part of me that wants to justify and share the right things, since I know in my heart what is right and how I "should" respond when I am living fully aligned with Him. Just know that my heart longs to see this place with the right eyes, and be more fully able to love and not judge. But I am weak. So this is good for me to share & vent my frustrations so that you know I struggle and that life is not always peachy.

Eventually, I want to catch up on this blog - and fill in the gaps (mostly for myself), but for now I am going to attempt some current goings-on, so that I don't get overwhelmed and forget it altogether. :) The last few months have been a doozie - so I may not update those for awhile. I am thankful for TODAY. Today I am staying cozy indoors, recovering from a nasty cold-bug, and I might make these granola bars......and sewing advent ornaments for our Jesse tree.

first snow.....and so thankful too.

Its COLD over here!! Our noses tingle when we step outside, and its almost time to get our long-johns out for the winter spell. I do love the change in seasons here, watching the obvious fade of life & green turn into brown & grey, and now covered in white.  Winter is only taunting us now, but it will come in full force very shortly. 

We will enjoy the white snow to the best of our ability, and make snowballs while we can.  Maybe next time we will wear our gloves!

thankful for:

Asia's big cursive bubbly loops

cute squeaking shoes on kids learning to walk

kids playing with yo-yo's on their lunch break

hot peach tea on my sore throat

writing a love note to my babe

knowing that You are in control and You never change

 cancer is not in control

for troubles that cause us to turn to You

for sicknesses that invite us to bring a sacrifice of thanks

for good friends in this city who drop everything to help

iphones gifted to our family!

packages from afar

the quiet of falling snow

snow crystals on barren trees

for Joe Anthony Dostalek - such a generous servant of God

the vulnerability of life 

a friend is pregnant with baby #4!

to see God's power & strength in a wind storm

God's character in a tiny intricate snowflake

things i love :: in no particular order

I was inspired to write my own list, from an amazing friend named Sarah. ox.

justin. asia. eden. sydney. lemonade. guitars. my 5 parents. jason & kris. ian & arienne. my 3 nieces & 1 nephew! being an auntie. my old house on emeline avenue. hearing God's voice. falling snow. swimming. the beach. sand in my toes, but not anywhere else. waves. China open markets. quilts. anything handmade. thrift stores. books. subaru forresters. melon in summer. picnic baskets. gardening. anything with pumpkin. making bread. a good book with the girls. santa cruz, ca. learning something new. a thoughtful gift. animals: all kinds. homeschooling. art projects. walking in the creek. rainy days & umbrellas. succulent plants. etsy. the color green. jesus. sewing. chai tea with milk & honey. tickling my girls. hammocks. swing dancing. scarves & cowls. organic things. hiking. crossing the street in China. cultures. traveling. owls & acorns & clover. libraries. grass under my feet. adoption. sentimental things. the doans. writing letters. communication. my best friend. being known. hard questions. green smoothies. my new iphone. angry birds. road-trips. the sounds of nature. picking berries. dusk. dreaming together. chocolate & peanut butter. family game nights. camping outside in tents. drinking tea. old window panes. letting my creative juices flow. cloth napkins. living simply. burritos. skinny dipping. fruits of the spirit. taking a walk with my babe. expensive shoes. homemade pesto. making rag dolls. summer. bonfires on the beach. oriental rugs. legos. feeding the ducks. fresh flowers in a vase. being used by God. authenticity. new haircuts. my wedding ring. strawberries. apricots. painted toes. kings mansion. dying to self. forgiveness. spending time with other moms. the sparkle in my girls' eyes. survivor. date night. old farm houses. the flea market. the farmer's market. composting. planning parties. driving a car with kids in carseats. organizing. avocados. oceanview park. getting healthy. bookshelves. scrapbooking. playing dutch blitz. doing puzzles. sushi. the psalms. surrender. porches. closets. home birth. sand castles. popcorn. action-packed movies. the nomads. acorn slippers. bamboo. maps. photography. pigtails. kaleidoscope. lists. blogging friends. fair trade. old jeans. yurts. henna & mehndi art. newborn babies. homemade jiaozi. pique assiette. christmas ornaments. coke zero. my apron.

....there are many more things I am sure...and perhaps I will continue to add to this list as I think of new things! these are just the first ones that came to mind (which is a huge disclaimer, and again, in no particular order of love & admiration, so one day if Sydney reads this she won't feel I loved her any less than Asia or Eden since I listed her 4th). This is just fun to reminisce and think about. :) Thanks Sarah!!

blogland

Blogland is a strange and beautiful place. I actually really miss it. I feel like I have typed 17 million beautifully crafted posts in my brain over the past 4 months. And its amazing that time has flown by so quickly without a tangible post on this 'community journal' of mine. I am humbled that others want to read my heartfelt thoughts, and I love that I can share more about the people and land that we call home.

I have been visiting the States for the past 5 days, and its a taste of heaven to me. Seeing people who have shaped me, poured their lives into me and challenged me to live beyond myself - has been so therapeutic. I have cried lots of tears: joyful ones, healing ones. Thank you for listening, lifting, and asking deep questions. Being here for my sister-friends' wedding was perfect in every way. I am so grateful for this trip - and for Justin gifting it to me. I haven't been away from them ever....so this was a restful haven, and a wonderful time of reflection for me. Yet I miss them like crazy!!

I am leaving in about 24 hours, and I haven't even updated this blog like I had planned (in my brain). Its kinda on the bottom of my list, since the face-to-face connections rank above an impersonal online journal. Maybe someday I will have full access to the lovely internet once again, and I will catch you up on the happenings of our foreign lives. Also, know that we will stay safe. We are taken care of in such intricate ways. Our bodies and hearts are held by a Strength that none can fathom. We will do our best to communicate in creative ways as I go back, so stay tuned. The adventure is not over - and you know how we LOVE adventure! As I depart, I will paste something I wrote about the riots in our city, so you are aware of our situation. We love you dearly, and I return with hope & peace, feeling loved and encouraged. Thank you with all my heart. ~ Alia (my Uyghur name)

07-05 Riots in Urumqi

This afternoon, major riots broke out across our city. We never imagined anything like this could ever happen here. Many people have been killed, wounded and now arrested. This is the scariest thing we have ever gone thru in our short lives, and yet – because of secure nature of this country, we are not going to share much about these events on our blog. We do not want to share opinions or details of events without being able to share the entire story. Please take time to scour other news sites to get a better picture of the history of tensions out here. You can find more about these events on other news sites. Thanks for thinking of us!

The most recent news I could find: CNN Sept 8th, 2009, and China Daily.

thankful heart

I am thankful for the beauty all around; green trees & crisp clean air, warm fleece jackets & knitted hats, delicious healthy food, my amazing (and handsome) husband & beautiful sweet girls, cherished friends & family, and timely Provision beyond my imagination. We have such a rich life!!

why I love the Olympics

• Every nation has the opportunity to compete and share their strengths with the world. I love the parade in the beginning - and the honor for each nation to carry their flag into the arena.
• The costumes & uniforms are pretty fantastic, especially the opening/closing ceremonies. Who actually made those things? (I am not a fan of the bikini cheerleaders tho)
  
• All the events that I never knew competed - like BMX racing, handball, & kayaking?!
• Learning the rules behind the games. I like the nerdy details.
• The healthy competition, and the national pride that wells up within. I love cheering for my fave! Sometimes the competition gets kinda intense - and facial expressions tell it all. Even the emotion & tears get me sometimes.
  
• All the controversial judgment calls, and the drama/hype/protests that follow....but not so much when referees get kicked in the face by angry Taekwondo contestant.
• That the Games are held in different locations every time, and we get to learn about other cultures.
• The glow from the TV, since I hardly ever watch it. most of the time I have a cozy blanket & hot tea, so that might sway my mood.
• Watching history in the making, as world records are broken, different countries gain recognition, team spirit is high, and new heroes are born.
• The expectancy in 4 more years!
  

mom's can change the world....

Mom's are amazing, and they have the best opportunity to impact the world as they nurture & pour their love & life into the children entrusted to their care! I distinctly remember when I was 15 years old - an older woman that I deeply respected, shared with me how she was so thankful to be a mom, and to raise her kids to reflect the character and call on their lives. That was a revolutionary idea to me. I had never heard anyone so focused on the task of motherhood. Now I understand her heart, and I am inspired each day to serve & shepherd the little ones in my life - and be a mom that makes an eternal impact on this world. When you imagine all the moments and hours that are poured into these little lives, it challenges me to assess my heart - and rise to the challenge to be a mom/wife/daughter/woman that lays down her life for those she loves. My three little girls will know me better than most people on this earth, and they are my most precious disciples. I love seeing the amazing ways they have been uniquely knit together - and how their personalities and hearts will be used to make a change on this planet. I absolutely love being their momma, and I love my mom's.

Here are some ways MOM'S* can leave a lasting impact: building security, identity, compassion & empathy, selflessness, tenderness, modeling a nurturing heart, a servant-heart, responsibility, dependence on God & hearing His voice, strength & sensitivity, being adventurous, playful, creative, energetic, fruitful, productive, kind, inspiring, devoted, prayerful, gentle, exemplary, a good listener, able to smile at challenges, insightful & wise, instilling value, setting boundaries, speaking with kind words & attitudes, problem-solving, giving unending love & grace, being available: teaching, cherishing, encouraging, listening, comforting, forgiving, showing patience, & giving the best hugs & cuddles.
*Everyone can impact the world, not just momma's!

post celebratory environmental sadness

The festival is over...but remnants remain.....

This may be the Santa-Cruz-environmental-steward in me - but my environment needs help. If you'll notice the red firecracker debris, the coal soot buildup, or the discarded garbage frozen in the ice pack...it all needs to go. No, that is not dirt - its coal soot from the Plants that heat the city.
What is an ecological-minded gal to do? Can I make lasting change? .....

My mom (bless her heart) was fanatical about recycling, organic foods, homemade everything, simplicity, and saving the earth - which has deeply influenced my sense of responsibility to care for the earth as a steward of an irreplaceable gift. I remember as a child crushing cans with such gusto - knowing that I was going to earn some cash in return. Maybe I didn't fully understand the lasting impact of those acts as a child, but it has shaped who I am today. Recycling is something that is ingrained in my being, and even more so as I see the Earth as a gift to mankind. There are many other ways we can preserve the planet - but it starts with ME first.

Here are some small ways we have chosen to live lightly on this planet, and be mindful consumers on earth.

REDUCE
Avoid being excessive - home-size, waste
Downsize: clothing, toys, gear, kitchen items
Walk/bike instead of using the bus/taxi
Take stairs more often - save electricity, be healthy!
Turn off unneeded lights, electric items, heat
Take shorter showers (yikes)
Don't let water run while we wash dishes
Use less paper - go paperless with bills!
Use more cloth - less paper waste
Wash only full loads of laundry & hang laundry to dry
Make meal plans: stop wasting food
Strive to buy things with less packaging
Take a canvas bag to the market for my groceries (no plastic bags!)

REUSE
Cups! ...less dishes to wash
Use biodegradable items
Reuse water bottles (carry one with us!)
Utilize hand-me-downs, pass on what we don't use
Buy second-hand items

RECYCLE
Recycle our plastic, glass, cardboard, tin/aluminum (give rebates to needy)
Pick up others' trash when appropriate

These simple ways of stewarding the earth will leave a smaller ecological footprint on the future, even in this nation! I am sure there are more ways we could live greener, so please share your ideas with us! I know that even one persons/family's lifestyle-change will add up to BIG change. You don’t have to be a radical tree hugger to take care of creation. It’s just part of stewardship.

rare moments

its raining outside! ....in the middle of the desert, in the middle of summer!! AND all four of my family members are taking naps (some snoring!) while I sip hot cocoa, with whipped cream...and read! This MOMENT is so rare, I would dare to call it a miracle: A rare & cherished moment to soak in the quiet stillness, to be filled afresh with joy, vision and trust. I hope you have moments like these too.

a few aspirations

"To live content with small means; to seek elegance rather than luxury, and refinement rather than fashion; to be worthy, not respectable, and wealthy, not rich; to listen to stars and birds, babes and sages, with open heart; to study hard; to think quietly, act frankly, talk gently, await occasions, hurry never; in a word, to let the spiritual, unbidden and unconscious, grow up through the common — this is my symphony."
~ William Henry Channing
(Ali posted this quote)

we shall see...

here's to a fresh start and a new chance to journal my random thoughts and joys, my mothering moments, sights & smells of central Asia, and all the things to learn along the way. i hope it will be real, down-to-earth snapshots of me. welcome to a glimpse inside my brain and hopefully my heart.

p.s. On April 30th, Justin was shocked to hear that I had started a blog without him. I made some minor edits, and now...we are officially blogging together { how precious }, so you can soon find some manly-reflections here as well.